I'm Watching
by StolenHope
Summary: I watched him grow, watched him fight; battling brilliantly, and I stood over his bed as he slept but he never knew I was there. He never had an idea that I was always with him although I don't know why I was. KenShuu, light yaoi


I watched him grow, watched him fight; battling brilliantly, and I stood over his bed as he slept but he never knew I was there. He never had an idea that I was always with him although I don't know why I was. I seemed to be tied to him I guess, forced to him, when he was in danger I was terrified, when he was in pain I hurt to, when he was happy I couldn't help but smile and that was rare for me.

I fallow him through his training, fallow his every steps although I must admit that I have helped him survive in a couple of his near death experiences. A couple of the hallows that he had battle would've destroyed him and I could never let that happen, I held them tight with my Tachikaze before they were able to end him. He never noticed, well that's not entirely true… a couple of times he looked around but he never saw me.

Today wasn't a regular day for him; he was laying around in a meadow. He rarely had enough time to do something like this. He was the vice-captain of my old squad; the ninth division. I'd like to believe he choose the ninth because I was once the captain, I'd like to believe that the small encounter on which we stood face to face had made a difference and I do believe it; that tattoo on his face makes me believe it.

I smile as he rolls the strand of grass in his mouth; it's so hard to tell what he's thinking about… at least when he sleeps, he talks. Yes, he talks in his sleep. He doesn't have full conversations or anything but he does mutter things, sometimes he whimpers and I know he does this because he is lonely. He's said my name a total of eleven times over the years and called for his captain so many times I have lost count; again I'd like to believe he is talking about me.

He sits up a moment and looks towards the trees where I am shaded in; I know he won't see me, I am a master of camouflage but even though, I sometimes wish he did see me, I wish I could let him see me.

My life is confusing to say the least. I am considered a traitor to the soul society for something I wish had never happened. I was given hallow powers… well not given, they were forced upon me, I was unable to refuse or I would've.

He lays back down and I wish again but this time that I were strong enough, strong enough to say goodbye to him. I was prepare to just over a year ago but when I spoke to him, when I spilled my feelings from the pit of my soul to him, when I told him my every desire, when I did say goodbye, I was unable to go for that was the first night that he spoke my name. His exact words were "Captain Muguruma… Kensei-dono, my Ken-kun…" and then a smile leaked its way on his face. I should've woken him up, should've came face to face with him but I was unsure if I would win over his conscious. It was his duty to report me; I was a vile traitor after all.

He looked so beautiful, so delicate and divine. He looks so powerful and at the same moment, he looks so helpless. He looks complex but as if he would let me read him like an open book. I think next time I choose to say goodbye, I will tell him in person. I will say goodbye and leave this world forever, head back to the world of mortals, at least he will know how I feel.

He gets up and starts to walk deeper into the field, away from the cover of the trees but his facial expression looks a little confused; looks almost as if he's looking for something. I want to fallow him; I fell defenceless, if something were to happen to him, I would fall apart.

His hand moves onto the hilt of his sword and I lurch forward ready to spring in a moments notice but he just stands there as my anxiety grows. What's the matter? I question in my head, I don't feel anything but you and… me. I had been to distracted to cover my reiatsu and now he sees me as a threat.

I stand dumbfounded as he pulled his and turns towards my cover of trees, his sword held up so the point of it is straight towards me and I lean in closer to the foliage. I have only a few choices; I can hide and hope he realises I am not a threat, I can run away and have the chance that he will report an intruder in the soul society… which would force me away from him, or I could step out and hope he won't attack me.

I continue to look at him but what seems to make me more nervous then anything is that his eyes are directly on the spot where I am; it looks like he can see me. Can you? Do you see me? Is that why your sword is raised? Are you prepared to kill me? You know that I wouldn't fight back….

He returns his sword to it's sheath and turns away from me. What is he doing? I scream in my head, never put away your weapon when you are in a battle… but you aren't in a battle… it's me and I would never hurt you.

I swallow the lump that has formed in my throat and I know he's waiting; waiting for a battle or a friend, unsure of what he's really waiting for. I still am unsure of what I can do. He knows I am here… he knows I am here after more then ninety years of watch him. What can I do?

With his left hand, he moves it to rest on his right arm and he looks down, he looks so much like that child I saved. I can't help but want to see him smile now; to see him smile for seeing me.

I take a deep breath and step out into the light not trying to be silent, I know he knows that I am in sight of him but he chooses not to turn. Why won't you look at me?

I take a couple of steps closer and wait but still he doesn't move. He stands just as he was. Is he waiting for me to get closer? To let down my guard? He won't need me to let down my guard; I will not fight him…

I walk directly up behind him and wait. He's shorter then me; my shadow overlaps him. I wait, my hands at my side and my body exposed for a single blow but still he doesn't move.

I swallow another forming lump and bring my arms up to wrap around his shoulders before putting my head close to his ear. I have planned these words for so long; I know the exact words that I want to say.

"Shuuhei Hisagi, my Shuu-chan, my koi."

He gasps but doesn't move. He stands totally paralysed and I'm taken back. Was I too forward? Was I just imagining he wanted me as much as I wanted him? I let my arms fall and take a step back.

I wait… and wait… but he stands with his back to his. His head is now straightforward and I can imagine the surprised look painted on his face but he hasn't moved his arms. Does he think it's pointless to fight me? Does he think I will kill him?

"I won't fight you…" I whisper out and drop my head, "Nor will I defend myself against you."

His hands drop to his side and they are balled in fists; I am confused by this gesture, is it because I am not fighting honourable against him? I will never fight him.

He spins around and stares at me, his eyes are closed and his teeth are clenched. I can't imagine what he's thinking.

"You think I would fight you? I have waited I hundred years to see you again…" He whispers out and that's all I need; I throw my arms around him and pull him tight. He's mine. He's mine. He's mine. I can't stop thinking it.

"Captain Muguruma, Kensei-dono, my…" I don't let him finish, I have heard this before so I do something that will be new for both of us; something only our dreams know of, I kiss him.


End file.
